As a follower, I always find massive variation between leaders when it comes to the ‘strength’ of their lead. Since we are meant to respond to the lead lightly and efficiently, it is helpful for guys to understand what is expected from them.
When you start your dance, your partner will sense from your first touch how you will treat her during this dance. A strong frame tells her that you’re in control. This can feel great for beginners, but not as appreciated by experienced ladies (as they like to contribute to the conversation!). A relaxed frame and connection means she too can relax, and a smile will light up her face earlier as she lets her guard down. (By ‘guard’ I mean the self-preservation instinct that follower develop after they’ve been exposed to rough leading.)
Sometimes guys prefer to use a stronger frame when dancing with inexperienced ladies. And these ladies appreciate it! Their vocabulary isn’t large, and they don’t have enough experience to be sure that they’re reacting ‘correctly’. When they feel a strong leader, they take it as a sign of not only confidence but experience.
Unfortunately there are traps in this approach.
Firstly, there’s the law of the common denominator. That is, if I can lead a beginner with a strong lead, and I can lead an experienced lady with a strong lead, why should I adjust between them? Ah! Because the more muscle you use in your frame, the longer your own moves will take! Not to mention increased risk of injuries to your partner that you won’t even be aware of! (Trust me, strong leads hurt.)
Secondly, by leading strongly I’m telling my partner than I’m happy to do all the work. She does not need to contribute, or think, or even take classes! Instead she’ll come back to dance with me, because it’s easier. This is the ‘lazy dancer’ syndrome.
Now, I am a believer in clear communication through the body, NOT through the frame. That is, our bodies in relative space will communicate equally together. That is where magic happens!
‘Leading with the body’ means I don’t need my arms/hands to communicate my thought to my partner. (In fact, I don’t even like to use the term ‘leading’!) Instead, I’ll express my thought through my body, and she will respond to it, just as in a conversation. Of course, we need to learn the basic rules of communication with this language, but ultimately these rules are very simple. They also put pressure on the ladies to contribute something real to the dance. She must be in control of her body, balance, steps, and be aware of the music, line and partner. In other words, we expect her to be present for the conversation!
Leading=talking
There will always variations in how guys lead. That’s just human nature. But ultimately, leading is talking. You say something, and expect your ‘follower’ not to blindly respond with predictive text, but to converse as an individual. And that’s only possible if you give her the space for that communication – i.e. light lead. ALWAYS.
Overpowering your follower interferes with her ability to utilize her own body effectively. Strong leads take ladies out of balance, and leave her fighting on the dance floor. No time to look nice or enjoy the movement, let alone contribute something valuable!
LASTLY, make sure your lead is CONSISTENT!! If you a leading lightly, keep it light and relaxed all through the dance, not just in the easy moves. Otherwise, your lady will get an unexpected pull/jerk/yank of her arm when your frame tenses up during a more difficult move. (Alarm bells!) If you’re learning a new combo, make sure to practice it to slow music, so you have a good understanding of its feel and your own rhythm to keep your lead consistent through it.
Basically, relaxed lead is a winning lead, EVERY TIME!